He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
