I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
