she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
