I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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