I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
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How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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