I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
