There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
