Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
