She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
