Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
