can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We had to coat check the pizza.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
