We're facebook friends in real life
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
