mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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