it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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