That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
