sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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