At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
