The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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