We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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