i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
