How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
