Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
