I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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