I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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