if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
