I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
