Do vagina's smell?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
