You're my little dorito
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
