my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
