I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
