Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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