Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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