I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
