I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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