so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
