I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
