Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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