He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
