she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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