im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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