Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
