Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
