a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
