If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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