I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
