I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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