Umm I'm too high to move.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
