Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
