I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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