How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
