you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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