That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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