handjob tips. give me some.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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