I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
