it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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