Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
