I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
