Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize