At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
