It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
