he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
