You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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