Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
This gyro tastes like lonliness
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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