Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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