so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he was CRYING into my vagina
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
MIDGETS
????
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
