oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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