I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
